My Passion

I received a bit bit of advice the other day from a mom I don’t know personally; we are just in a Facebook group together.  I have to think we previously had some discussion with one another, but sadly, I don’t remember it. Well, for some reason, I was on her mind; perhaps Godly intervention? And she sent some information that she thought might be helpful to me; and I tell you, I was touched. To think someone would think of me? It touched my heart.  So, this is what she told me, “to get people to buy from you, they have to like/know you; so pick like five things you are passionate about and write about those.” You see, I have an Etsy store, https://Etsy.com/shop/2findpeace , and I am wanting to make a success of it to help bring in much needed income.

I opened the store years ago to try to sell my baked goods. I actually LOVE to bake. So, baking, that’s a passion of mine. Well, I should say cooking in general, as I have a lasagna recipe I’m extremely proud of and love to make for people. But, it typically costs me about $100 to make it, so haven’t been able to do for some time. But, I did originally open the Etsy store to sell my baked goods. However, I do tend to have more passion/ideas/etc., than I do money, and I soon found I was unable to afford to ship baked goods. So, I closed my Etsy store. In 2016, I learned to sew. Sewing is another passion of mine. It’s both enjoyable and frustrating; it’s this crazy roller coaster you experience while making something that you hope will be loved and appreciated. A piece of my heart and soul goes into everything I make. I opened my Etsy store back up hoping to sell items I’ve sewn.

But, then the bottom fell out in 2016 and our family made a big move  I sold a couple of collectibles for ungodly cheap prices on my Etsy, but that was it for 2016.  I made items that I gave away, to get practice on sewing and then the rest of 2016 was filled with the chaos and emotions of moving.  I don’t feel there is a single soul that understands what I’ve gone through in the last year and how much I’m still trying to recover from it.  But, that’s ok, it’s just part of life and how people are.

So, sewing and baking/cooking are two things I’m passionate about. What else? Well, my number one passion in life is my son; I absolutely love being his mom. I’ve wanted to be a mom as long as I remember; and it was a very costly journey.  It took lots of years spent on fertility treatments, it took bits of my soul every time it didn’t work, it took my joy and happiness due to 3 failed pregnancies, it challenged my faith, it damaged my marriage, it took a lot of my life. Fertility issues and all the physical and mental damage that goes with it, that’s still something people don’t understand, because too many are ashamed to openly talk about it. But, from the moment I saw our son in the 1st ultrasound; I was not only deeply in love, but fiercely protective of the life growing inside of me.  Our son will be 3 years old in just a few months, the time goes so fast! And I am very passionate about being his mom, to stay dedicated to being a SAHM, you have to be. And to be a mom who is homeschooling, even more so. It can be very lonely and isolating, but worth every moment, every sacrifice.

So, my son, baking/cooking, sewing…that’s three passions right there.  But what else? Well, my spouse of course! I could of lumped my spouse and son together and just said I’m passionate about my family (because I am), but I think they both deserve and earned their own spot. So, my spouse, we have been together 19 years! We’ve been legally married for two years. She loves me when I am unloveable, and I do the same.  We are best friends. And the love only grows, now that we are parents as well. We’ve had ups and downs, but she’s my rock; and I am hers. The physical bodies may change, but our souls are forever joined. She’s my soulmate, and I am so proud of the crazy, stressful, chaotic, loving and supportive love and friendship that we have together.

So my son, my spouse, cooking/baking and sewing are all passions of mine.  That’s four passions there; I could make it three by just putting my family as a passion. So, what else am I passionate about? Well, I really put some thought into this. And people who truly know me will find this humorous; in all actuality, I could write all day long about things I am passionate about. So, the problem for me would not be FINDING five things, but narrowing it down to just five things!

Backstory for those who don’t know me: for many years, my spouse and I have contemplated on what we’d do if/when we won the lottery or came into a substantial amount of money (that wasn’t needed to bail us out of a financial jam). And it’s always been the following: get out of debt, start a savings account, help family/friends by gifting money, and start a nonprofit. So, what changes constantly is what type of nonprofit we would start. My spouse and I both have such big hearts, that we honestly just want to do EVERYTHING!

So, if I have to describe to someone what I’m passionate about, I guess it all boils down to LOVE. Because, honestly that’s all that matters! No matter what you are going through in life, God loves you. And shouldn’t we do our best to just give love? I think you have to love something to consider its passsion. So, I’m passionate about love. I love my family, I love baking, I love sewing, I love photography, I love supporting charitable causes, I love to give support and kindness, I love to be a cheerleader for others that don’t believe in themselves, I love to share my story in hopes to help others, I love to write, to draw, to express myself creatively; and mostly, I just love to love.

I don’t really have a good following on my blogs, my Etsy store, my FB pages, my Twitter or my Instagram; and that’s ok. I am ok with not being popular, as I never have been. But I do hope that if you stumble upon me, that I in some way have added value and love to your life.  I always say that I wish I knew the future plans that God has for me; but unfortunately, it’s not for me to know. I just have to trust God’s plan and have faith that my family will have a bright future.

Thank you for reading, have a blessed day!

 

Outdoor Play

IMG_0098As an older mom, I constantly battle with feeling that somehow I am letting my child down.  That they are at a deficit of some sort, because I’m not a younger, more vibrant mom. I’m trying to get back on a healthier track in life and hope to lose weight and become more energetic. I KNOW how to eat healthy and I know how to lose weight; but I’m finding it so hard right now. I know a lot has to do with worry over finances, as I am an emotional eater. But, I trust in Gods plan and know the resolution will be presented to us in HIS time.

That all being said, I have shed MANY tears over things that I feel are necessary for our child to have a great childhood. I swear I use to be such a kid & know how to play; but somehow life has just beat me down & I can’t get to that place. So, I think to myself if my child had a great outdoor play space, I could play with him and maybe learn to be a kid again. So, I have been OBSESSING over getting him a play kitchen for inside play (I love to cook), and for outside, I wanted to get him something from Cedarworks, Little Tikes, Step 2 or Gorilla Playsets.  All I could think is he NEEDS this amazing outside play area.

Our little boy actually enjoys watching American Ninja Warrior; it’s actually the only adult program I get to watch. He loves to climb and I know in my heart he would enjoy an outdoor play area.  So, I am constantly scouring the BST pages and Craigslist for a good bargain.  There have been a few obstacles with these finds though: (1) most items won’t fit in our SUV,  (2) even the good deals are typically too much for our current finances, (3) most people won’t hold items until you get there, and (4) people won’t deliver, even for gas money.  So, we’ve found it hard to find what my heart desires.

So, I tried talking with the companies that make the items I want. Asking them for discounts or anything to help.  What I got back was SILENCE.  This is hard, it’s actually a bit heartbreaking  I KNOW our son is not going to suffer from not having outside toys  But he is our only child. We are older parents who unfortunately also are poor financially; we just want him to have some things, the things we think are important.

Well, so then I was just at a standstill.  I was depressed and just overwhelmed.  I spend most of my time helping my spouse in her job search, selling (or trying to sell) items on EBay, and playing with our son.  So, I started thinking.  And I come to realize that I was allowing myself to be swept up in to the world of consumerism and the material world.  And I had to take a deep breath and remember why we are on this journey and what is important.

We desire to be homesteaders.  That though is expensive to start. Living a simple life, comes with a hefty price tag when you are starting from scratch!! But we view this as a worthwhile endeavor and it’s our goal to LEARN and to be able to TEACH our child.  So, with that in mind I went to my favorite Facebook pages to gain support and ideas.  These pictures are not mine, I found them on Google.  But after talking with some wonderful moms on the Waldorf Life Page and WildSchooling; these are my inspiration and what I hope to build for our son.

We have plenty of downed wood on our property and a few pallets. We are a bit out of shape, but we also are motivated. There are things we need: tires, pots, pans, buckets, washboard, sink or something similar and utensils, along with other miscellaneous items. The most expensive item we need is either a chainsaw or the money to hire someone to help us cut and move the wood. Even if we buy a chainsaw, we’ll probably still have to hire someone to move the wood to the build site. And then of course, the tires are the next most expensive item.  It’s all going to take time. And we have to do our planning to get it right. I have a post going on my local BST page asking for an old tractor tire and also for items for the music wall and Mud kitchen. I’m hoping to get at least one project done in time for Christmas.

The tire sandpit I had thought we were going to build this weekend.  But, we tend to get EXCITED and not always do our due diligence in preparing.  So, now we are looking for a tractor tire, as the tire on our property is pretty small. And we also didn’t have the area prepared.  We need to dig up the ground, put weed proof down and I’d love to cover the weed proof with some gravel or something.  Then we also need some plywood to make a top and a pool noodle, and maybe some paint. This quickly became a project that we can’t currently afford.

In a perfect world, I could get the Mud kitchen and music wall built in time for Christmas.  And then start getting the logs cut and moved to build the playground and cut stumps and such for him to walk and climb on.  This is my hope.  I’m truly hoping that I will encounter some kindness from the community and people will donate some items so I don’t have to buy a lot. But, if I do have to buy, I plan to shop at Goodwill or places similar, as I know they provide many services to the community.

My spouse is excited about us building our son a playground.  My hope is that we can actually physically and financially pull it off!  I want our son to grow up being in touch with the earth and nature, that is my greatest hope for him.  But I suffer with great anxiety about the dangers in nature…. it’s one of the biggest struggles I have as a parent. I want him to be brave, explore and enjoy all there is in life; but I want to keep him safe.  The best way for me to keep him safe is to educate myself about our surroundings, to be familiar and to be out there exploring with him. This is a great challenge for me, but it’s an obstacle I have to overcome.  I don’t want him to inherit my fears and anxieties, I don’t want him to grow up sheltered.  I want him to be in touch with all that nature has to offer, all the blessings God has provided for us.  Making this playground will force me to take him outside more often, and that is the first step.  It provides a safe place for him to explore, to play, to be outside.  And hopefully it will be the stepping stones to greater adventures in time.

SIMPLE LIFE

IMG_9690.JPGWhat I want more than anything is to just live a simple, non-consumerism life. I want to learn to grow our own food and preserve it. I want to make memories and have great life experiences, instead of things. I want to have less financial strain and more joy and laughter! I want to squeeze every ounce of pure bliss out of life. I want our son to be able to say he had the most loving and supportive parents and the best childhood.

What I have is a life in progress, working slowly to that goal. It is HARD to achieve. Living simply, doesn’t necessarily equate to living cheaply; at least not in the beginning. It cost to live a simple life. But, I feel it’s a worthy goal and something I will continue to strive toward. One should never give up on their hopes, dreams or passions; the answer to your prayers might be just a eye blink away.